Lots of anxiety

Today is Wednesday, March 28th and tomorrow marks the two month date from the time mom went into the hospital with an attact of cellulitis. The doctors gave her two weeks to two months so she's beat them so far!

For the last few days, Mom's been having quite a bit of anxiety. The hospice nurse says that's normal. A bit of it's her pain meds but the bulk of it is a result of the cancer spreading to her brain.

She's worried about things she hears on the news. Today she told me she was worried because she didn't know what was going on. She said she had this thin little thread that she was trying to hold on to.

It's hard for her to talk on the phone because she doesn't always understand what people are saying and she's afraid she's forgotten something important. She asks where people are all the time and who's in charge. It's different from before because she feels driven to figure things out; to get to the bottom of what's going on. Sometimes she thinks we're part of a conspiracy to get her to do something.

She asked me today what we were doing and I said we could watch some TV, go for a ride in the car, sit outside and soak up some sun, etc. I asked her if that was OK and she kept saying that, no, that was what I believed to be to be true but that it wasn't necessarily reality.

It's very frustrating and takes a lot of creative communication to keep her from sort of freaking out. We also give her some anti-anxiety meds. It takes a toll on those of us taking care of her because she's agitated so much of the time. She's very unsteady on her feet but her anxiety gets her up walking around the house looking for things or people, straightening and cleaning for non-existent guests, trying to find her keys to go somewhere important, trying to find money somewhere for someone, etc.

I think we may try to change what we have on the TV so that we don't watch the news and don't discuss politics (easier said than done in the Butler house, I'm afraid!) Also, we'll have to figure out what to do with the phone. She got into the strangest conversations with a telemarketer-type person the other day because I didn't happen to catch the phone before she did. Maybe it serves them right though! :)

Mom's excited for my sister Nicole to come visit next week. It'll be a good change for mom and Nicole's kids are super excited to see Mom and participate in the Butler family Easter egg hunt! I'm glad Mom will be around to see it this year. It also gives Tareq, Wendy and I a bit of a rest. The ward too. They've been so helpful, I can't even tell you.

Here's to a good week!